Help Me Edit!

In order to complete the student teaching application requirements I have to turn in a letter of introduction. This letter is highly professional and I need more eyes and opinions in order to have it be a great letter. So, if you have time, please help me edit and revise! After you've read through it a time or two, leave your suggestions in the comment box below. Oh, and since I can't read minds, please don't just tell me that something needs work or sounds stupid...tell me why or give a suggestion on what would sound better. I need any and all suggestions submitted by Monday, May 12 at 10:00 MST. Thanks for your help in advance. I am looking forward to what you have to say!

Here is a list of do's and don't's that I was given to use as a reference and guideline for writing my letter:
The personal letter is

• One page
• A professional document that introduces you as an individual
• An expression of your feelings about education (Educational philosophy may be included)
• An explanation of why you want to be an educator
• Highly polished (revise, revise, revise)
• Positive
• A brief list of the things you enjoy and do (optional)
• A brief history of you and your family (optional)
• A brief history of your employment experiences (optional)

The personal letter has

• Clear, concise sentence structure
• Correct grammar
• Correct punctuation (focus on commas)
• Correct spelling

The personal letter is NOT

• A hastily scribbled note
• An ego trip (On occasion, we have students who come across as boastful. We want to accentuate the positive, but not rub the reader’s nose in it. Please be mindful of your tone).
• A list of pet peeves of the current education system
• Too lengthy (one page only, please)
• An opportunity to bear testimony of the gospel (While it is okay to state that you were raised by good parents who taught you strong moral principles and high standards, this is not an opportunity to share the gospel without an invitation. Your letter is a professional introduction intended for individuals in the public school system, who may not be L.D.S. Unless invited to do otherwise, be a missionary through example only).

Remember your audience:

• The district contact who will make your placement
• The building principal
• Your cooperating teacher who will provide documents for your career / placement file
• Your university supervisor who will also provide documents for your career / placement file

Now that you have the guidelines to follow, please help me edit and make my letter fantabulous!

I was raised in an education-centered home where knowledge was highly important. My parents were always studying new things and encouraged me and my five older siblings to do the same. Because this philosophy pervaded my home I grew up dedicated to learning. While in school I was blessed to be taught by brilliant teachers whose enthusiasm for knowledge was infectious.

While my perception of education and school has always been quite positive, “teacher” was never one of the careers I aspired to become someday. I always imagined myself as a performer or possibly a designer. Positions within the medical field even attracted me. But never teaching. I continued on with this teaching aversion for many years. Even as I graduated from high school I could not have imagined that four years later I would be graduating with a bachelor’s degree in elementary education.

Immediately following my freshman year of college I took a job as a nanny. Instantly I went from being responsible for just myself to being responsible for a house and three children. It was my job to keep these children clean, fed and entertained. It was during this time I began to explore the possibility of becoming a teacher. Watching those small children learn new things was exhilarating for me. I loved being part of it. When I left my nanny position to return to school I knew what I needed to do. I was a teacher. I was not certified in any state and I had no actual training. But mentally and emotionally, I was. From that moment I have never doubted my purpose as a teacher. Now, I cannot imagine doing anything else.  

I have always felt that all young children are empowered with an innate curiosity and excitement about the world around them. They love to learn. Unfortunately, this eagerness begins to fade in many children resulting in school boredom and sometimes dropout. I also believe that with most of these children an influential teacher can make all the difference. I feel that my training within the Brigham Young University-Idaho Elementary Education program has equipped me with the tools I need to become this type of teacher. I hope that through continued experience and teacher training I can develop into this loving, caring and excited teacher whom some students will consider significant in their years of education.

While studying at BYU-Idaho within the elementary education program, my educational philosophy has greatly evolved. It is by no means absolute, but it is clear. I believe that the foundation to great education lies within literacy. Students who can read well can learn and do anything. I also believe education should be as exciting as it is instructional. I intend my classroom to be an inviting environment where students enjoy discovering and creating.

One of my favorite parts about teaching is that it is the perfect outlet for a compulsive learner. In order to be effective I have to be on my toes and know the most effective teaching methods as well as current content to teach my students. I am excited that I get to extend my learning every day and hope to continue progressing as a great teacher throughout my student teaching and future teaching days.